OVERVIEW: Major life changes can affect your dog's behavior, your ability to care for him, and even what you consider acceptable. Here's how to recognize the changes and respond.
Sometimes the biggest change in a dog's life isn't a new home, a new baby, or a different daily schedule. It's a change in the person who owns him. Marriage, divorce, retirement, illness, a new career, financial problems, and other major life events can alter our priorities, judgment, routines, and expectations. Sometimes we find ourselves making decisions we once considered unthinkable.
Over the years, I have worked with countless dogs and their owners facing circumstances like those described in this article. I could have illustrated these issues with numerous real-world case studies from my professional experience. However, I believe it is more useful here to focus on the underlying principles, the challenges these situations create, and how they can affect both owners and their dogs, rather than examining individual cases in detail.
Welcome to the Twilight Zone.
Fans of Rod Serling's classic television series will remember stories in which ordinary people found themselves in extraordinary circumstances. Familiar rules no longer seemed to apply. Their understanding of reality was challenged, their judgment was tested, and they sometimes discovered uncomfortable truths about themselves.
Something similar can happen during major transitions in our own lives. We leave behind familiar circumstances without having fully adjusted to what comes next. The old routines no longer work, the new ones haven't been established, and we begin making compromises we never imagined making. Psychologists and social scientists sometimes describe these in-between periods using the concept of liminality, although the Twilight Zone is simply a metaphor for what such experiences can feel like.
And if we own dogs, they come along for the ride.
The problem is that our dogs must live with the consequences of decisions they didn't make, circumstances they may not understand, and expectations that sometimes change without warning.
What Happens When Your Life Changes but Your Dog's Needs Don't?
Your responsibilities to your dog don't disappear because your life becomes complicated. However, your ability to meet those responsibilities may change dramatically.
Consider someone who adopts a dog while working from home. The dog receives regular companionship, exercise, attention, and opportunities to interact with the family. Then the owner receives a promotion. It's good news. More money, greater responsibility, and an opportunity for career advancement. But the new position requires commuting, longer hours, occasional travel, and less time at home.
The dog now spends considerably more time alone. Walks become shorter. Training falls behind. The owner returns home exhausted and has less patience for barking, jumping, or other behavior that was previously tolerated.
Eventually, the owner begins complaining that the dog has become difficult.
But what changed? Perhaps the dog's behavior changed. Certainly the owner's circumstances changed. And the dog's daily environment changed along with them. The important question isn't simply how to stop the unwanted behavior. It is whether the new circumstances have created a situation in which the dog's needs are no longer being adequately met. Some dogs adjust very well to changing routines. Others have difficulty. We shouldn't assume either outcome without looking at what is happening.
Why Do Good Dog Owners Sometimes Make Bad Decisions?
Good intentions don't guarantee good decisions, especially when people are under considerable pressure.
Research on stress and executive functioning indicates that stress can affect working memory, cognitive flexibility, and aspects of behavioral control. These abilities help us evaluate situations, consider alternatives, and adjust our decisions when circumstances change. The effects vary depending on the individual, the type of stress, and the demands of the situation. Stress doesn't automatically make someone incapable of sound judgment. Nevertheless, under difficult circumstances, thoughtful decisions may become harder to make.
Imagine someone facing divorce, financial problems, an elderly parent's illness, and the possibility of losing their home. The person may still love their dog very much. But the dog has become one more responsibility competing for limited time, money, and emotional energy. A missed walk becomes several missed walks. A temporary confinement arrangement becomes permanent. Veterinary care is postponed. Activities that once enriched the dog's life gradually disappear.
Not every compromise is unreasonable. Sometimes people must make difficult adjustments. The danger arises when temporary exceptions become permanent arrangements without anyone reconsidering their consequences. What began as an emergency solution becomes a habit. Eventually, the owner may no longer recognize how much has changed. These all can result in some very sad outcomes for the dogs.
Can We Convince Ourselves That Something Wrong Is Actually Right?
People sometimes develop explanations that make decisions seem more reasonable, particularly when their actions conflict with their beliefs.
Psychologist Leon Festinger introduced the theory of cognitive dissonance to explain the discomfort that can arise from such inconsistencies. One possible response is to change our behavior. Another is to reinterpret the circumstances so our behavior seems more acceptable.
Imagine an owner who has always believed that dogs need regular exercise, social interaction, and opportunities for enjoyable activities. After a career change, the owner no longer provides those opportunities consistently. The owner might recognize the problem and make new arrangements. Alternatively, the owner might begin saying: "He's getting older. He doesn't need much exercise." "He's perfectly happy sleeping all day." "He's just being spoiled." "He needs to learn that he can't always have everything he wants."
Any of those statements might be true in a particular case. But they might also be convenient explanations that allow someone to avoid confronting an uncomfortable problem.
The important distinction is that an explanation can sound reasonable without being supported by the dog's actual circumstances or behavior. This doesn't mean every owner who makes a compromise is experiencing cognitive dissonance. Nor can we determine someone's motives simply by observing a decision. The point is that we should examine our explanations rather than automatically accepting them.
When Do the Old Rules Stop Applying?
Sometimes the strangest part of a life transition is that we continue applying expectations developed under circumstances that no longer exist.
Consider a family that moves from a quiet suburban house to an apartment. The move may be financially sensible, professionally necessary, or even an improvement in the family's quality of life. But the dog has lost a familiar yard, established routines, and perhaps regular opportunities to move freely around the property. Now there are shared hallways, elevators, unfamiliar noises, neighboring dogs, and different arrangements for outdoor activities. Yet the owners continue expecting the dog to behave exactly as he did in the previous home. They may become frustrated when he barks at unfamiliar sounds, hesitates near an elevator, or struggles with the new routine. The owners have adjusted their lives to the new circumstances, but they may not have adequately adjusted their expectations of the dog.
This is one of the more subtle versions of the Twilight Zone.
Two different sets of rules seem to be operating at the same time. The dog is living in the new environment while the owners continue evaluating his behavior according to the old one. The problem isn't necessarily poor judgment or moral compromise. It may simply be that the owners haven't recognized everything that changed.
I have personally witnessed this many times with many dogs and owners.
Can Happy Life Events Create Problems for Dogs?
Absolutely. A major life transition doesn't have to be tragic to create difficulties.
Marriage, retirement, a promotion, buying a new home, or welcoming a baby can be wonderful developments. But even welcome changes can alter a dog's environment.
Consider the arrival of a baby. Before the baby, the dog may have been the center of attention. He accompanied his owners around the house, greeted visitors enthusiastically, and participated in many family activities. After the baby arrives, the household operates under different priorities. Sleep is disrupted. Schedules change. There are unfamiliar sounds, new equipment, visiting relatives, and restrictions on where the dog can go.
But something else may change. The owners' interpretation of the dog's behavior. A dog that previously followed his owner everywhere was considered affectionate. Now the same behavior is described as clingy. A dog that greeted visitors enthusiastically was once considered friendly. Now the same behavior is considered potentially dangerous around the baby.
Some changed expectations are entirely appropriate. Protecting an infant requires precautions that weren't previously necessary. However, the dog doesn't automatically understand why previously acceptable behavior is suddenly prohibited. The family needs to establish safe arrangements, supervise appropriately, and help the dog adjust. Punishing the dog for failing to understand a completely new household arrangement is not a substitute for that work. And a dog should never be expected to manage interactions with a baby without appropriate adult supervision.
Can Divorce, Financial Problems, or Moving Affect a Dog's Behavior?
Major household changes can affect a dog's behavior, although the effects vary considerably.
During a divorce or separation, a dog may lose regular contact with a familiar person, move between households, experience inconsistent routines, or spend more time alone. The people involved may also be experiencing substantial emotional stress. Some dogs adjust successfully. Others may exhibit changes in activity, appetite, social behavior, responsiveness, or other aspects of daily functioning. These changes don't automatically establish that the dog is grieving, anxious, or traumatized. They indicate that something deserves investigation.
Financial difficulties create another set of challenges. Owners may struggle with veterinary expenses, housing restrictions, transportation, food costs, or the practical demands of caring for an animal.
Research confirms that housing circumstances are an important contributor to companion animal relinquishment. A 2024 study examining shelter records from 21 U.S. shelters identified housing-related reasons in a substantial number of recorded intakes. But these findings shouldn't be used to portray people experiencing financial hardship as irresponsible. Sometimes the available choices are genuinely difficult. An owner who cannot afford a particular service may still be providing appropriate care. Another owner may have adequate financial resources but fail to recognize a serious welfare problem.
The relevant question is not whether someone's circumstances are ideal. It is whether the dog's essential needs are being met and whether a workable plan exists when they aren't.
What Happens When the Owner Changes but the Dog Doesn't?
One of the most overlooked possibilities is that the owner's expectations have changed more than the dog's behavior.
Retirement provides an interesting example. Someone who has worked for decades may anticipate a relaxing new lifestyle involving travel, hobbies, and more freedom. But retirement doesn't always unfold as expected. Financial concerns, health problems, marital difficulties, loneliness, or a loss of familiar routines may complicate the transition. A dog that was previously a welcome companion may now seem demanding. Or the opposite may happen. Someone who was away from home all day now spends nearly every hour with the dog, changes established routines, and becomes more involved in the dog's activities. Neither situation automatically creates a behavior problem. But both demonstrate how changing the owner's lifestyle can change the dog's environment even when the dog remains in the same home.
Sometimes the owner is looking for a solution to a problem that didn't exist before the transition. Before prescribing more training, I would want to determine what changed.
What If the Owner Can No Longer Provide the Care the Dog Needs?
This is one of the most difficult aspects of the Twilight Zone.
Sometimes an owner's circumstances change so dramatically that the person is no longer physically, financially, or cognitively capable of providing appropriate care. Serious illness, disability, cognitive decline, and other conditions may interfere with daily responsibilities.
These aren't exclusively problems of old age, although certain medical conditions become more common as people grow older. An owner may forget feeding schedules, become unable to walk the dog safely, misunderstand the dog's behavior, or struggle to follow a management plan. Sometimes a spouse or another family member inherits responsibilities they never expected and may not be prepared to handle. These situations require sensitivity. Someone may be doing the best they can under genuinely difficult circumstances.
But compassion for the owner cannot mean ignoring the dog's welfare. Nor should we assume that keeping the dog in the original home is always the best outcome. Sometimes responsible ownership means accepting help. Sometimes it means arranging for another person to assume caregiving responsibilities. And sometimes it means finding the dog a more suitable home. Rehoming isn't automatically abandonment or failure. When a dog's needs cannot reasonably be met in the existing situation, a carefully planned placement may be the more responsible choice. The goal should be a workable arrangement that protects both the people and the animal.
Is Your Dog Really the Problem, or Has Your Life Entered the Twilight Zone?
When someone contacts me about a behavior problem, the presenting complaint is an important starting point, but it isn't necessarily a complete explanation.
A dog may be barking more frequently, refusing to cooperate, behaving differently around family members, or struggling with situations that previously caused little difficulty. Naturally, the owner wants the behavior corrected. But before deciding how to change the dog's behavior, I want to understand the circumstances in which it occurs. That includes the dog's learning history, physical condition, daily routines, environment, and interactions with the people in the household. It may also include changes in the owner's life. Has someone moved out? Has the work schedule changed? Is there a new family member? Has the dog lost access to activities or social contact? Are different people handling the dog differently? Have the owner's expectations changed?
These questions aren't intended to blame anyone. They help distinguish what has been observed from what we think caused it. Sometimes the dog needs additional training. Sometimes the household needs different arrangements. Sometimes both are necessary. And sometimes the most important change must come from the people rather than the dog.
Start by comparing your dog's present circumstances with the way things were before the transition. Ask yourself:
- What has changed? Consider schedules, household members, living arrangements, exercise, social contact, sleeping locations, and access to familiar activities.
- What has changed about my expectations? Am I now treating previously acceptable behavior as a problem? Am I expecting my dog to cope with circumstances he has never encountered before?
- Have temporary compromises become permanent? If so, are they still necessary, and are they working for the dog?
- What is my dog doing? Look for observable changes in behavior, activity, appetite, sleep, social interaction, and participation in normal activities rather than assuming you know his emotional state.
- Am I explaining away a problem because addressing it would be inconvenient? This may be an uncomfortable question, but it is worth asking.
- What practical alternatives exist? Could another family member help? Would a different schedule, environmental adjustment, veterinary consultation, or professional service improve the situation?
- Am I evaluating my dog's needs based on his present circumstances, or on the life we used to have?
The purpose isn't to make owners feel guilty about having complicated lives. It is to identify problems while reasonable opportunities to address them still exist.
When Should You Get Professional Help?
If your dog's behavior changes significantly, particularly if the change is sudden, a veterinary assessment may be appropriate to investigate pain, illness, sensory changes, or other medical factors.
Professional behavioral assessment can also be useful when a dog is showing increasing fear, aggression, distress, difficulty adapting, or behavior that creates safety concerns. An in-home assessment may be particularly valuable when the problem appears connected to changes in household routines, family interactions, or the living environment. The important thing is to determine what is contributing to the problem before choosing a training procedure. Sometimes an obedience exercise is useful. Sometimes it addresses only a small part of a much larger problem.
Are You Still the Dog Owner You Intended to Be?
Perhaps the most unsettling feature of life's Twilight Zone is that we don't always recognize when we've entered it.
We gradually adjust to circumstances we never expected. We change our priorities, revise our expectations, and sometimes convince ourselves that things are acceptable simply because we don't see an alternative. Some of those adjustments represent healthy adaptation. Others deserve reconsideration. And sometimes we are so busy adapting to our new circumstances that we forget our dogs must adapt too. The dog's behavior, the owner's expectations, and the household's circumstances are interconnected, but they are not the same thing. Understanding one doesn't automatically explain the others.
The psychological and animal-welfare research discussed here helps explain why these situations deserve attention. It does not establish that every major life transition produces poor judgment, rationalization, or declining animal welfare. Our dogs cannot evaluate our explanations or negotiate the terms of our changing lives. They depend on us to make those decisions responsibly. So when your life changes, take a moment to consider what those changes mean for your dog. Not just whether you still love him. Not just whether he obeys you. But whether the life you are now providing continues to meet his needs. Because sometimes the way out of the Twilight Zone isn't to change the dog. It's to recognize how much your own world has changed, reconsider the rules you've been living by, and decide what you need to do about it.
You can learn more about my approach to dog behavior and in-home training at SamTheDogTrainer.com.
Glossary
Animal welfare: The physical and mental state of an animal in relation to the conditions in which it lives and dies.
Behavioral assessment: A systematic evaluation of an animal's behavior, circumstances, history, and relevant physical and environmental factors to guide appropriate intervention.
Cognitive dissonance: Psychological discomfort that may arise when a person's actions conflict with their beliefs, values, or attitudes.
Cognitive flexibility: The ability to adjust thinking or behavior in response to changing circumstances, demands, or information.
Executive functioning: Cognitive processes involved in attention, working memory, planning, inhibition, and goal-directed behavior.
Human-animal bond: The relationship between people and animals, including emotional, behavioral, and practical aspects of their interactions.
Liminality: A transitional state between established circumstances, roles, identities, or stages of life. Used here metaphorically rather than as a clinical diagnosis.
Rationalization: Developing explanations that decide or behavior appear reasonable or acceptable, sometimes without adequately examining its causes or consequences.
Scholarly bibliography
Applebaum, J. W., Loney, L., Horecka, K., & Graham, T. M. (2024). Housing-related companion animal relinquishment across 21 animal shelters in the United States from 2019–2023. Frontiers in Veterinary Science, 11, Article 1430388. https://doi.org/10.3389/fvets.2024.1430388
Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford University Press.
Plieger, T., & Reuter, M. (2020). Stress & executive functioning: A review considering moderating factors. Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 173, Article 107254. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.nlm.2020.107254
Shields, G. S., Sazma, M. A., & Yonelinas, A. P. (2016). The effects of acute stress on core executive functions: A meta-analysis and comparison with cortisol. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 68, 651–668. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2016.06.038
No comments:
Post a Comment